The life of the heart

Today has been bouncing around from a deep sinking heart ache, to anger, to love, to playfulness, to productiveness, to defeat, to fear... and in amongst it all i hunt for the truth. I've felt at times myself caught and skinned in my own cunning net, and at others the adventurer going deeper than i've gone before. I guess all this confusion means something good is going on, like when you've got the tail of a great big beast and you're getting thrashed around... if you don't get your brains bashed out on something you'll pull off some killer move and take the beasty down. Well, maybe not so great an analogy, but it's been a day like that.
Just trying to be true to whatever the hell i'm feeling has been a wild ride, and i hope, through it all, to refine my consciousness a little more, to understand myself a little more deeply. It seems to me more and more to be the main game. Consciousness, that is. It is the most incredible thing in the universe (or at least top 5), and our curious culture puts so little emphasis on it. If meditation is the technology of consciousness, then, from the way we marginalise this in our culture, we must be in some kind of stoneage.