I am beautiful?

I expend so much energy making sure that i do not challenge one of my core self beliefs. That belief is that i'm not beautiful. That i am not a powerful amazing man. I can feel my reaction, my attempt to dissociate from these words even as i write them.

I feel i'm walking alone, and i think i walk alone because i believe i'm not lovable, i'm not beautiful, i'm not what's really wanted no matter what words are said. I work hard to ensure i don't invalidate this perception.

Just to live, to walk, to work, to play, requires a huge about of effort to build around and maintain this belief, as so much in the world is screaming at me: you are beautiful. To act requires heaving this huge edifice over the smallest of obstacles... i look forward and see mountains, i look back and i see rolling hills.

I see a day one day soon, that mountains or hills, i simply admire how beautiful is the journey.