disfunction

Sometimes things just seem so hard and far away for no clearly explainable reason. Time to go to bed and hope my world has righted itself when i get up.

Sometimes

Sometimes at the days end all i wish for is a new day. Sometimes it helps.

Good

Tired and frazzled, but juiced up with goodness, man time and magic.

Just words

Excitement as i'm off to Rainbow, tiredness as there has been so much to do. Some of which is still undone. Caught between wanting to hide under something and excitement about the possibilities of life and love.
Well, the picture function has just seized up. I guess it's time for bed.

My brain did not really turn on today. There has been a dullness, an inability to really think articulately, to find clarity. I get a sense of clarity when i go into my body and listen to it, which is why i'm at home rather than with so many of the people i love at FRL.

The challenge is not to feel negative about it, to just feel here and enjoy it.

Screen Grime

I cleaned my screen t0day, cleaned it of the dust and grime that had built up over weeks and weeks of waiting till i got exactly the right thing to clean it. It was a mere 10meters away from my desk.

The simple pleasure of just doing what needs to be done. Of persisting till the work is complete. There is a deadline, a natural gas BBQ that needs to be converted to LPG so we can have a weeding party and sear flesh (both meat and vegetable) in the way only a BBQ does.

And so the nozzles i need to get are really rare, and after 3 days of searching i give up, and of course that's when i find them, and they fit. Then when i fit them, the BBQ doesn't work because it was wasp nest at somepoint in it's life and i have to clean out dead wasp bodies and hive dusk from the whole thing.

But then, voom and whoosh, it works, and i feel happy, satisfied.

However i know that if it wasn't for the deadline, it wouldn't have happened. And i wonder why this was so easy to do, and other things are so hard.

Wow

Wow, i'm feeling so powerful, and so in love, and so loved, and so many boundaries are just dissolving and am healing on such a deep level.

JET LAG

Jet lag is my dominant modality tonight. The day has swung between intense tiredness, delving into Chaos Magic theories, a beach trip, an underlying flatness and the occasional bout of confusion. Oh and my organs aren't happy about having to adjust to being here. The hotel room is nice and i've had some great food. Sleep, sweet sleep, honey you never smelled so good...

Gluing the wings on

It always takes so much energy and effort, wondering if you've got everything, leaving so much behind, spending hours making sure the computer is backed up and i've got enough music on me to spend the entire trip listening to it when i'll just scratch the surface....
And there's those things you just let go of as you weren't going to get them done anyway.
And there is the process already begun of delving into the deepest recesses of the heart and throat chakras.

And the overwhelming, simultaneous and conflicting desires to go to sleep and stay up all night manically doing stuff.

Loose ends and waterfall in Collins St

Celebrations for my last day, wine and fine people, and suddenly i'm whisked off to help on a research project and writing an art submission about fish, pipes and waterfalls in Collins St. The power blog, oh yeah.

Rain, a bridge and a goddess

Rain seeps into every crack as crickets rasp their noisy legs in frog like sounds; the distant murmur of the olympics and the noise of words struggling to wakefullness; a strong desire for bed and a road stretching ahead; accomplishment of sorts and failure of sorts the usual preserve of the perfectionsist; shakespear in aussie accents with teenagers and someone doing egg farts in the audience; pine veneer desk scattered with papers and a litter of electronics; a bridge to cross foundations rickety and it looks so luch on the other side; understanding slowly what it is to live with all my heart and seeing a joyful shining all around me; there is a goddess living inside me and in everyone i see and she whispers to me of love.

Tired and ecstatic

Magic on the lunar eclipse, sleep weariness, qi gung and testicle massage, energy and intention, an inspiring weekend, and now for the pressure cooker this week...

Return of the harmonicblog

It's been a while, the ebb and flow of so many things, and i've missed writing everyday, there is something within me that deflates slowly the further i am from just letting my creative spark speak through my hands. Being moved is such a delicious act of love.

But today, a new little adventure in blogging starts, and it starts right here in this dim little office where i've been frantically typing out a report on heatwave adaptation. I'm keen to explore in more concentrated depth the interface between climate change, culture, evolution and consciousness. And i've got the challenge that i'll be in the USA in two weeks time and i'll be in a tantra workshop for a week... going to have to work out this mobile blogging thing. Will be interesting to see what i write in that context!

Words glorious words.

Dreams

Strange Dreams last night. In the middle of the night sometime I half awoke, and was caught with a strong urge that to roll over and look behind me. I didn’t. I don’t know whether my intuition said don’t do it, or whether my fear said don’t do it. They can be hard to tell apart sometimes, and sometimes they seem the same.
I awoke this morning startled by my alarm and not knowing where i was or in which direction I faced. Feeling half in a labyrinth of dreams, I stumbled up, and headed out into a world that’s the common reference point we call reality, a thin slice of mind wedged amongst our dreamings upon which our feet tread so heavily.

Caught between

I feel today caught between. Caught between wanting to stay in bed, go out and see friends, write, play music, eat, fiddle around on the computer.... mostly from going too fast all week. But, it's a beautiful day, a beautiful house, a beautiful world.

But i'm really feeling the call of adventure, and something deep inside is whispering to me of blue skies, endless scrub and a deep subtle sense of humour.

Curiously Silent

A curious silence today. I left my mobile phone at home. Not that i use it everday necessarily, but it's not there, all orange, silver plastic and glass. It leaves me with a strange silence, and a little voice in my mind wondering what i've missed, who might've called. I guess it could be quite traumatic for some people. I'm just relaxing into it, but it is like leaving a finger at home. There is an interesting silence in the part of me that waits for someone exciting to call, something interesting to happen and be communicated. I guess i've never really had a good look at that corner of myself, even though i've been aware of that tendancy at times.

What would happen if one day all the mobiles went silent? Some sun flare or such and they all go out. Pandemonium? Gnashing of teeth? Global anxiety attack? A feeling of peace? A collective sigh? Nothing much different at all?

Except perhaps a curious silence.

Kung fu Panda

Today i saw Kung Fu Panda with Erin, Tim and Katherine. Great fun movie, had all the classic elements of a great martial arts movie with a big dash of humour. Awesome animation, the animators really made use of the kung fu genre to do some amazing movements with plenty of cinematic license.

These three kids are a part of my family. I have become aware over the weekend of how my reference to and feelings about my housemates can effect those seeking intimacy with me, and even i guess with my friends. But my home is, and always been, a place of family. It's what i seek to create in this space, what i value there. Being challenged on it has put me even more strongly in the place of valuing and i love that i do have, and do create, a family.

I create intimate connections around me. I value that. And, yes, run from it on a regular basis.

The point

So my blogging has been a little slack of late, so last night, while waiting for $10 to magically transform into yellow curry and rice, i wrote this this (and i'm going to try post retrospectively, i post on the written date date rather than the typed date. Oh yes, it's a very exciting day!):

The point really of blogging everyday is to write everyday. So blog or no blog, internet or no internet, here i write. Sitting in Thai Thani surrounded by uber craziness of clattering woks, frying meat and vegetables, sizzling sauces and thai flavoured accents... there is a particular intensity to the flurriness of activity here that in itself is a signature dish, it's got to be the loudest kitchen (and totally open to the restaurant) that i've ever experienced. And all the cooks wear baseball caps, which i really like for some reason. And the food is always plentiful and great.

My stomach is a flap with hunger. "is this mine yet?", "is this mine yet?"... it keeps going on, the smell of food infusing my every breath is getting almost unbearable, the juices of my st

And at that point my number was up and i eagerly grabbed my plastic containers of goodness and took off to eat.

Will

Again, will. Yesterday i lapsed, i didn't write my blog as i'd set my will to do everyday for a month. A failure or a lesson? A lesson, a lesson to understand how better to apply my will, how better to focus it as a pure sharp light that the world responds to. A flicker, a missing frequency, a weakness, a gap of foresight, a desire to nurture a tired being at the end of the day... none of which matters, it is simply to be learnt from.