Processing...

I'm tired. I've been processing like a madman while my obligations to the world go stale. I've seen my demon lurking beyond my current project which is my fear of having the time and resources to actually really do what i want. This is a very real possibility and a very real fear. Also facing my every key stroke is the fear of inadequacy, the fear of driving myself beyond the limits of my body if i really let myself go into it and get inspired, the fear of failing to do any good and feeling that hollow feeling of defeat when i feel shattered.

But what i'm excited by is facing my demon lurking in the field of doing what i want. Is that motivation enough? Perhaps, i hope so. But then so is validating the fact that despite my beliefs around being a failure and feeling like i've not and will not live up to my potential i've done a lot of amazing things, had quite an interesting life, and have pulled of some remarkable adventures and created some really outstanding things in the world.

Holding the whole picture of me is something it's taking a lot of awareness to do, but is really quite enjoyable.