Relaxing, flipping coins and listening

"You're too tense". It was third time she'd tried to catch the coin sitting on her elbow in her palm, and it was the third time it had hit the floor or cupboard. "Relax your shoulder".
She tried again, "you're tensing up your shoulder, relax and trust, don't try to catch it", swoop, chink, "YES! I did it".
"Woohoo!"
A couple more tries and she'd mastered it, "I'm going to try 5 coins now". They splattered all over the floor.
"You're trying too hard again, just relax". Bang.
"I did it, i did it", the excitement and enjoyment in her voice were infectious. Within 5 minutes she'd done 10, i felt so strangely proud of her, her ability to really listen and change what she was doing blew me away a little. Is it something that comes easier when you're 13 as opposed to 37?

It made me think. Sometimes you tell others exactly what you need to hear yourself, if only you'll listen. I just couldn't get the event and conversation out of mind... i'd been trying very hard at work over the last few weeks and i felt i was barely keeping my head above water, just getting done what i needed to get done. Just.

So before work i went for a coffee, and sat and thought about how i lose contact with my body, how the energy and thoughts go running madly around my head and i struggle to focus. So i sat for a while, wrote down all the things that i needed to do outside of work, and then set my intention to stay relaxed, in my body, and conscious.

I've had an incredibly productive couple of days. Interesting thing this human being gig.

Worlds Spinning

Does the world get dizzy from spinning so fast? Or does it feel still as the heavens hurtle past, looking out upon the majestic sweep of the galaxy as stars burst, comets collide and planets form? How does it feel the brief forming of a strange hard crust blistering upon it's surface, of being pricked and penetrated and pumped on it's outer skin? It would love the sun, keeping it warm. Maybe one day we'll design rotisserie deck chairs so we can enjoy an even sunning just like the earth. Of course we'd have to be careful of ice forming at our feet and head, and of sprouting strange little creatures from our pores that proceed to try and choke us to death. I suspect that after a few billion years of spinning everything would feel right somehow, that there would be a sense of deepest harmony amongst the chaos, of quiet amongst the noise, of everything having it's place.

Saving the world one report at a time

Report by report we think our way into the biggest hole we could possibly concieve, afraid to act as we are lullued by the comfortable waves of our own contentment, our own fear of doing anything fundamentally different. Our collective behaviour seems to so reflect the processes of our own egos, of our inner worlds. Inside our lives we build carefully, or not so carefully, a construct we call ourselves, and we then expend incredible amounts of energy protecting that self conception, ensuring that it stays in place, that it is justified, that it is validated. And we even tell ourselves, convince ourselves that we have no choice, that this is the only way it is, that this is how it has to be, that this is not what i want but just how i am. We disempower ourselves, and don't acknowledge the fundamental truth of how incredible, how powerful we are that we can shape reality, change our very perceptions of events, deny nature, stop our own evolution to maintain our own internal identity and the fictions we hold onto. Is this any different to what we do in the world? We have all the information at hand to transform our culture, society, economy and politics to tackle the challenges we face, yet we tread carefully, walking like a sleep walker while a tsunami rears on the horizon. And politicians and large corporations sit on our collective shoulders like demons telling us we can't change, that the econo0my will collapse, that we have to make change gradually, concerned only for their own existence and wealth not for our collective wellbeing. We research every step we take to death, like walking crouched down with a magnifying glass in hand inspecting every step we take. You could die on your way to the supermarket with an approach like that. Are our feet so delicate that the way must be paved with mountains of paper? Lit with a million pdfs?

Will the human race be remembered for the sheer number of reports that charted a different course, that told of a different story, but were ignored?

RIP Human Race: Wow, really nice reports

Weekend

Right now, i'm just holding out till i go away this weekend. Not the way i like to live my life, but common enough. It's all feeling a bit too much right now. I want hills, trees, fresh air, sleep. Mostly sleep....

Kung fu Panda

Today i saw Kung Fu Panda with Erin, Tim and Katherine. Great fun movie, had all the classic elements of a great martial arts movie with a big dash of humour. Awesome animation, the animators really made use of the kung fu genre to do some amazing movements with plenty of cinematic license.

These three kids are a part of my family. I have become aware over the weekend of how my reference to and feelings about my housemates can effect those seeking intimacy with me, and even i guess with my friends. But my home is, and always been, a place of family. It's what i seek to create in this space, what i value there. Being challenged on it has put me even more strongly in the place of valuing and i love that i do have, and do create, a family.

I create intimate connections around me. I value that. And, yes, run from it on a regular basis.

Discontinuity

Discontinuities in relationships always seem to hurt even when you know it's the right course of action. The heart doesn't like sharp turns in the road. Or is it just our inclination to adapt to what's going on as that feels the safest and to take the path of choice exposes us. The road goes ever on.

The point

So my blogging has been a little slack of late, so last night, while waiting for $10 to magically transform into yellow curry and rice, i wrote this this (and i'm going to try post retrospectively, i post on the written date date rather than the typed date. Oh yes, it's a very exciting day!):

The point really of blogging everyday is to write everyday. So blog or no blog, internet or no internet, here i write. Sitting in Thai Thani surrounded by uber craziness of clattering woks, frying meat and vegetables, sizzling sauces and thai flavoured accents... there is a particular intensity to the flurriness of activity here that in itself is a signature dish, it's got to be the loudest kitchen (and totally open to the restaurant) that i've ever experienced. And all the cooks wear baseball caps, which i really like for some reason. And the food is always plentiful and great.

My stomach is a flap with hunger. "is this mine yet?", "is this mine yet?"... it keeps going on, the smell of food infusing my every breath is getting almost unbearable, the juices of my st

And at that point my number was up and i eagerly grabbed my plastic containers of goodness and took off to eat.