wheels and gears

It's way too late and the wheels and gears inside are still whirring away furiously, spinning faster and faster towards their doom...

Sometimes

Sometimes at the days end all i wish for is a new day. Sometimes it helps.

Falling like water

Some days fall like water, they just flow over you and the best thing to do is to let go and allow them to happen.

Some days are like a sheer rock face clear and solid and powerful and things just happen.

Today was more like water.


-- Post From My iPhone

Home again

One of those nights where I thought the evening was going to be topped of by a cranking little party and instead it was topped off by a chill little party where we didn't really know anyone and the friends who had told is about it we couldn't get in contact with.

Hard not to be a little disappointed.

But at least there is home and a neat kitchen but I do feel like I've been spending too much time chilling here after unsatisfactory outings.

Ah well lucky I'm having fun on the inside.

-- Post From My iPhone

Little bits

Little bits of me everywhere falling into themselves
A weight of creaky old selves bickering over the feast
Tired, impatient, numb, fearful, bewildered
The reflections move whenever i try to see behind them
A cold wind blows as Winter stretches his bones
A warm bed and a purring cat.

Varanasi

My brother is going to Varanasi. It brings back a flood of memories of a city of magic, madness, beauty and filth, it's the city on the edge of the world, or perhaps right in the middle of them, a bridge between the worlds. I'm really excited for him, but also really wanting to be there to experience it again and make sure my brother is all right. It feels a bit like an opportunity lost, but i'm clear to that to be there would feel like an opportunity lost here. Win win lose lose, life is sometimes like that.

The intensity of memory, it so makes me want to be back there.

Shame

Shame rears it's head, it's at the very core of me, facing me, a shambling monster hiding behind the mirror i see myself in... or is it just a crappy piece of glass... a city of gold built on a fetid swamp... into the gaping maw once more i go, boots strapped tight, the sword of clarity slung across my back and faint beacon deep inside my heart calling me home and guding the way.