Airport waiting lounge

Sydney airport, awaiting to board a great flying beast that will take me to unknown shores, to an adventure that will take me to some of the deepest parts of myself. Excitement, trepidation, weariness, resignation, i feel like appreciating this time with myself is important, because i'm not sure i'm going to walk out the other side quite the same. In fact my intention is to not. My intention is to walk eyes full open into the pain that lurks at the very core of me. We'll see.

Gluing the wings on

It always takes so much energy and effort, wondering if you've got everything, leaving so much behind, spending hours making sure the computer is backed up and i've got enough music on me to spend the entire trip listening to it when i'll just scratch the surface....
And there's those things you just let go of as you weren't going to get them done anyway.
And there is the process already begun of delving into the deepest recesses of the heart and throat chakras.

And the overwhelming, simultaneous and conflicting desires to go to sleep and stay up all night manically doing stuff.

Cats, friends, man and magic

There is a cat on my lap. She purrs and wiggles and paws and snuggles on my lap, loud and proud and knowing exactly what she wants: a warm lap.

I walked along the Yarra River today with an old friend who i have a deep and, walked in the dusk as lights glistened, past the ferris wheel, the river lay rippling slowly like a molten mercury. Some friends you love and perhaps in another life you would fall in love with them, or have, and it resonates. This happens a lot.

As i rushed today my heart hang tattered in the breeze. It was nice to have so much to do otherwise it would want to eat my mind - it's hungry to be filled.

Today i met with my magical men and talked of magic and power and testicles and sex and drew runes and cards and resolved to keep grounded and hone our metal. Magic is the ability to will a change in our perceptions. I saw an oracle machine today, a fragment of chaos magic about to be released into the world.

I take another step, a step into tomorrow, a tomorrow of dreams and adventures and a tank full of juice with the brake cable gone.

Unsettled

Tired and unsettled, nurtured and held, pain and love, a strange dance with that which i fear to dance with, better to walk powerful alone in tattered robes noble in your brilliance it says rather than dance with danger resplendent in the palace of desire: there is no fork in this road, just ahead with eyes closed or open, naked, stripped of my power, just human, alone. Loneliness sings her siren song and i sway helpless in her cold embrace, no matter how loved and held.

sleep and flood

Slept long finally last night and now the next day sets sun and thoughts of storms and floods down melbourne streets hang in the edges of my mind. Of what do city streets dream? Of the creeks that once bubbled along their length, now drainage pipes like salt hardened arteries, or of the ghosts of creatures long gone and living a half life still in the darkness, nightmare creatures with no eyes like fish from the deepest dark of the sea, or of the return of the fish into pipes and drains and mating high up in toilet bowls and drain holes in a city consumed once more by Her loving but savage embrace. Indeed, of what do streets dream?

Loose ends and waterfall in Collins St

Celebrations for my last day, wine and fine people, and suddenly i'm whisked off to help on a research project and writing an art submission about fish, pipes and waterfalls in Collins St. The power blog, oh yeah.

Rain, a bridge and a goddess

Rain seeps into every crack as crickets rasp their noisy legs in frog like sounds; the distant murmur of the olympics and the noise of words struggling to wakefullness; a strong desire for bed and a road stretching ahead; accomplishment of sorts and failure of sorts the usual preserve of the perfectionsist; shakespear in aussie accents with teenagers and someone doing egg farts in the audience; pine veneer desk scattered with papers and a litter of electronics; a bridge to cross foundations rickety and it looks so luch on the other side; understanding slowly what it is to live with all my heart and seeing a joyful shining all around me; there is a goddess living inside me and in everyone i see and she whispers to me of love.